ok now.
ppl say i tok too much in my posts.
i will shorten them AFTER this one =x.
well hopefully lols.
ahemmm.

Now lets tok abt the topic which somehow knocks me in the head and gives me goosebumps.
Eddu and i have been talking and have somehow concluded somethin.
well this conclusion doesnt make sense AND can be on agreeable yet disagreeable terms.
either way im still gonna say it.
shldnt we actually make ourselves worthy if we wanted to be part of someone's life? based on attitude and all tt.
nth to do wif a garrenteed very stable job or wad.
its just i find tt if u wanna so-call jio someone there r at least 3 things tt u shldnt do =/

1. Not being urself
not being urself and acting like somethin ure not is so not gonna bring u anywhere.
sure it will bring u till some point, but it wld nv bring u far as u and tt person u wan to be wif so much wld be living in lies.
besides, how long can u last being someone totally not u?

2. Arrogance
Bragging too much aint gd for health =/
even if ure the most popular or smartest person around it doesnt confirm u a relationship wif tt someone or friendships wif ppl.
so wad if ure the so-call best around?
caring abt urself , boasting too much + hurting other ppl's feelings?
man wif tt attitude i dun tink anyone wld wanna spend the rest of their lives wif ya.
too much of u and too little of them aint gonna help =/

3. Not respecting others
If u do not respect others, how can tt person trust tt u wld respect him/her?

there are many other points which i tink tt those ppl attracting the other party shldnt do.
but these are the basics i guess =/
well to me lols.
u guys may tink so much differently den me.
but hey, im just an ordinary girl making a point here >.>
if ur attitude is like garbage i do not tink tt anyone wld feel secure being wif u =/
u may treat tt person very well now but hu noes.
u might just attack tt person in the near future without a 95% garrenteed 'ok' attitude >.>

well for a girl tt doesnt wan a relationship any sooner,
i tink tt even if a guy treats me very gd but treats others like duno wad, or even worse, practice discrimination, i dun tink i wld even tink abt being wif him =/
i believe in equality lol.
as in, can treat me better than the others la. tt i dun mind. hehs.
but like just minding ur own business, caring abt ur own happiness and not trying to help others be happy as well, i tink its realli... selfish lol. -note tt im just making it sound nice-

even if the feeling is there, without the sense of security i dun tink anyone wld wanna get into a relationship.
to hav a higher chance of getting a 'yes' frm tt someone, i tink u shld get ur attitude or other aspects checked first.
besides, if tt person has a 'okok' attitude or have a stinky attitude, im sure u wun wanna bring her/him down to tt of low quality or even lower quality.
it isnt easy to be part of someone's life.
like ppl say, life is precious.
if ur life is precious, im sure theirs is as precious as well.

hehs besides, im a person hu defends those hu r being 'shot' at for no valid reason.(ok im out of point here)
for eg. hmmm...shld i mention his/her name here?lols.
tink better not.
still, even if tt person isnt realli nice to me or kips annoying me, i still will defend him/her IF he/she is innocent lol.
of course i wun poke into every single matter larhs.
in some cases i just cannot stand looking at the unjustified suffer for no reason.
and so this is where i come in =x
ahem.
hehs im just an ordinary girl trying to make the world a better place i guess? lol-.-''

i hate guys hu pity themselves too much.
and moreover, tinking tt they are innocent and are the onli victims around when they are not.
if u guys wanna find sympathy for this kind of things, find it somewhere else.
coz i aint gonna giv u any.
dun act blur infront of me coz i can see thru u.
just becoz i act as if i duno doesnt mean tt i dun.
u aint the onli person tt can act in this world.
and besides, i dun always use my 'very gd' acting skills for no reason.
i may seem 'POWDERFUL' but im most definately not.
im not tt great neither am i tt vulnerable.
*goosebumps*

i especially dislike ppl not admitting tt they are in the wrong.
sure ppl these days want their reputation to be high and all tt.
but isnt not admitting ure in the wrong a much faster way to diminish tt reputation tt u try to uphold? >.>
wads even worse is tt u have done smth wrong, but ure acting as if u did somethin right and u tink tt THAT someone is totally at fault. =/

sheesh. i gotta stop toking abt these things -.-
oya.
ps: u cant run away frm wad u have done.
yes im referring to u mr David Seeto.
so dun say tt im not helping u in any way or act as if im referring to some other guy.
u shld be thankful tt i ate somethin tt made me in a gd mood.
if not it wld not have turned out this nice.
lying to get close to someone isnt gonna help at all.
murmuring things which u tink tt cannot be heard but want it to be heard isnt gonna bring u any further.
when ppl giv u advice u shld get them into ur head.
dun act as if nobody toked to u abt IT and explained to u clearly wad ure up against.
this aint a drama show or some soap opera.
eddu will noe very well wad i mean.
if u dun truly noe wad i meant,
u can ask him ^^

note: this post does not onli apply to one guy onli.
and i didnt say everything.
so there are many things tt u all have to look out for urself.
hey, life is a learning journey.
wad do ya expect? >.>
note: i sometimes am guilty of those mentioned abv.
and im trying to correct wad i have done >.>

finally, after 1 hr ++ of tinking and typing -making sure tt i dun type in things tt wld cause a bigger flame- , i have typed finish this post at 9:06 PM on 26/8/07 :D

hehs ytd we(ShiQi,LiHong,Chai Boon, Peng Hui, Andrie, Lawrence, Farhana, Joseph, HuiYing, Sahil, Valentino, Elijah, Reezal , Vickel and me) went to East View sec for the captain ball competition.
lols.
first round and we were out alreadi =x
hey we were facing Presbyterian High and tt team was the team tt scored bronze with a score of (2-3).
-.-
we were thrashed by them =x=x
hehs.
anywayyy,
after we lost,
for some reason, we didnt go bak lols.
we just stayed -.-
We tot tt there was gonna be at least a COP. -.-
but actually there isnt any larhs lol.
but we had fun while staying there =x
some of us explored the sch(as it is kinda old and they wanted to find for ghosts around lols.)
well they got wad they wanted =x.
HuiYing and PengHui were in the toilet and they happen to saw tt thingy lols.
When Peng Hui were telling us wad happened, she was like as if she was gonna cry or talking in a very frightened state o.O
ask them for more details. lalalalala.
after the whole captain ball competition, all of us explored the place a little bit more.
they say the 1st story toilet very creepy lols.
den Chai Boon go take pic of the toilet tt Peng Hui and Hui Ying went to.
when we all entered some place opposite the toilet where they went,
i suddenly felt cold and started to shiver abit -.-
den went to explore here and there.
and then we left the sch lols.
we walked to some s11 place or smth to eat.
some didnt wanna eat so they went home.
after eating den another few ppl went home[ im one of them lols].
the rest went to Pasir Ris Park.
Lawrence, Valentino, Vickel, Reezal and me went bak lalalala.
on the way to the mrt station i taught Lawrence Chem lols.
didnt understand wad he was toking abt at first and didnt noe wad ans he wanted -.-
but in the end i knew larhs.
den tok and tok until we were in the train.
we sat down at the back of the train and errrr camp =x
playing wif the ball-Farhana brought it- here and there.
after tt we switched train and camped again =x
this time it was funny, yet scary -.-
they were crapping around(especially Reezal) and i was bz video-ing wad they were doin.
den suddenly Valentino started laughing like duno wad and pointing at somethin behind me -.-
i was shocked when i turned around to see tt there is a giant face on the glass plane =.-(pic will be uploaded soon)
this boy slept until like tt =x
den Valentino cld not stop laughing -.-
the whole trip (till Braddel) he was laughing non-stop. lols.
Actually the whole gang cld not stop laughing =x
den i went down when it reached Yishun and i didnt noe wad happened after tt lols.
first thing i reached home i prepared my stuff coz im goin out again.
used the com abit.
prepared myself and then went out again =x.
took the train blah blah blah.
den reached city hall and waited for Shan, Shawn and Sophia to come. oo all 'Ss' lolz.
i was the first to arrive. den Shawn came after tt Shan came and den Sop.
We didnt exactly noe where to go.
Soooo, using our VERY GD INTUITION, we lead the way XD
and hey, we did manage to get to the spot where the fireworks wld be held lols.
we went to StarBucks to get smth to drink.
lols im not supposed to take any cold drinks but there wasnt any hot drinks tt i knew o.o
i cldnt see wad was on the board. hey im myopic and i wasnt wearing my specs -.-
me shan and sop ordered the same stuff.
they got theirs at the same time.
i ordered the same time as them but i had to wait for duno how long more lols.
they were like drinking and drinking, i was like waiting and waiting.
Sop knew exactly wad i was tinking coz i gave tt look =x lols.
Shawn oso cannot tahan liao den he was like up there looking down staring at us and wondering wad took us so long. actually wad took me so long -.-
after duno how long, my mocha finally arrived XD
den i was happily drinking till i started coughing again =x
so this time, i wld take a sip, leave it in my mouth till the temperature of the drink rose, and then swallow it XD.
lols creative yet disgusting way to warm up a drink -.-
still i enjoyed my drink very much XD.
we found a sit to settle down.
den we saw Shan der sis since she called her lols.
her sis was wif her boyfried and her fren and her boyfrn o.O
First thing Sop saw her sis she was like' wa ur sis veri chio lehs' lols.
of course mahss.
Shan chio her sis oso shld chio der lorhs =x
hahas.
the way they quarrelled was like so funny lols.
tok and tok until can beat each other derhs LOLs.
me and sop were down there laughing.
den we talked and talked to allow time to FLYYYY.
after talking so long we looked at our HPs and we realised tt we talked for onli 15 mins -.-
lols 45 mins to go lalala.
as we talked, the amt of ppl surrounding us became bigger o.o
den got this family beside us wif this little girl.
Shawn was bz playing the game in his HP den suddenly this little girl go to him and duno do wad LOLs.
at least she didnt smack him unlike wad my little bro wld always do to me when he was around tt girl's age -.-
we had lots of fun chatting =x.
i became high and i started talking to myself AGAIN lols.
den finally the fireworks came.
some of it were at the errrrr stage thingy o.o so we cldnt see it coz the big fat merlion was blocking us -.-
but nevertheless, our spot was great coz we cld see 90% of the fireworks shot up into the sky.
so big and huge thingys exploding right infront of our faces lols.
took a video of it and then when the whole thing was over we went to the city hall shopping centre there to go to the washroom lols.
the whole place was very crowded.
the guy's toilet didnt even have a queue. -.-
we were like still queueing and Shawn had alreadi came out -.-
lalalallaa.
did our business and then went to take the mrt bak home lols.
Den during the ride, got this boy very the high.
even higher den me -.-
lols.
he was like screaming and running around the train XD.
i cldnt tahan[the temptation to take a video of this very 'high' boy] and i started to take a video of the boy LOLs.
after tt the train terminated at Yishun so everyone got down while i went home.
went bak and bought cup noodles for my sis and I.
den i cooked for my bro Mee Goreng and prepared the noodles for both me and my sis.
and then we were happily eating away lols.
hey i didnt eat my dinner wad do ya expect =x
my sis and bro were hungry so i just bought smth for them to eat >.>
after tt my sis was like laying on me again sleeping - -
while i was watching tv and soon fell asleep lols.
cldnt tahan anymore so i woke up my sis and we both off everything and went to bed.
i didnt even have the time to do my hw lols.
hehs. better finish it today or else x.x

-ANGEL-
Clarice,
u nid to calm down.
wad u have been doin is unacceptable and intolerant.
u recked ppl of their rights, killed their hopes, let them down, caused them to lose confidence, turned them into a monster AND cause them to lose their trust in others.
ure a terrible person.
wad happened to the patient and forgiving girl tt we once knew?
wad happened to the girl, hu wld always take the blame even though she didnt do anything wrong?
control urself.
u urself ARE turning into a monster day by day.
-DEVIL-
Wads the point of tinking of wad i have done?
those ppl in the past caused me to be wad i have become today.
i was nice to them, but they treated me otherwise.
i gave them everything they wanted, gave them the respect they needed, was there for them whenever they needed help.
but wad did they do in return?
they backstabbed me, treated me like a slave, and when i really needed comfort, they start to add salt into the wounds instead.
everyone turned against me.
including one of my BEST frens in the past.
every single one of them took me for granted.
i wanted to fit in.
but no matter how much i tried,
i ended up wif nth.
i killed my future, i killed my reputation and MOST of all, i murdered everything tt i once had.
i sacrificed almost everything for them.
but THEY didnt giv a dam.
sure, i changed bak to the original me 2 yrs ago.
but wad happened?
the same cycle repeated.
ive lost hope, ive lost confidence and ive lost the trust i have in others.
no matter how much i tried to become the forgiving and patient girl i was b4,
i just cldnt do it.
everything tt everyone did to me in the past was instilled in me.
-Angel-
I turned to Lord for help, and He DID help.
and im very grateful for that.
He would never treat me otherwise unlike the rest of us.
With Him, i was able to lead a more peaceful and happier life AND i managed to turn bak into hu i was b4.
But, some things happened, and i became the sinister me again.
He was very patient with me no matter how many sinful things i have done.
But time and again ive let Him down.
I deserve to be punished and thrown into the fire.
I do not deserve to be forgiven.
In the past, no matter how many people treated me tt way, i endured everything they said, including hurtful things and forgiven them for wad they had done.
i cld let go of wad they did.
and if they provoked me when i was feeling down,
i wld just be patient wif them and kip quiet.
If i did just one thing accidentally which happen to be insulting to them, they wld start shooting all kinds of things at me.
but, i didnt blame them for wad they did.
Instead i prayed for them.
Everything went well then.
-DEVIL-
I do not want to care abt them anymore.
i wan to just erase everything.
every single thing in my head.
Leave everything behind.
Forgive them of wad they had done which made an impact in my life.
And then leave them alone to do wadever they want.
-ANGEL-
You can never run away from the problems that are right infront of your face.
u cant run away frm ur responsibility.
there are many others who needs help from people like us.
they are still hidden from the Truth that we all know.
i nid to accomplish this mission that i have.
Tolerate them for wad they have done.
Forgive them for wad they did.
wad they have done was not on purpose.
im sure they knew in their hearts tt wad they had done was wrong.
its just tt they cldnt express how apologetic were they.
everyone has good in them.
its just tt most of us cannot express it well and so turned to the easier way, death.
no one can run away frm wad they have done.
all i can do is to just mend wadever i did.
the rest is all up to them.
Never turn to that path again.
Leave it there and place a sign there for others to avoid this path.
sometimes doin somethin good may not be tot of one of the happiest things.
but doin it benefits very much.
Do not be a selfish person.
Do not lie anymore.
Face the problem if there is one and conquer it.
if u wan others not to do the same thing to u, dun do it to them.
Judge urself b4 judging anyone else.
Just becoz u experienced these unhappy things b4, doesnt mean tt others shld experience it also just to noe how it feels like.
Turn to the Light for help.
Never turn to the dark.

got to help out for the banner making competition thingy.
after parade on wed,
i went to find mimi and edmund they all.
some of the e4 guys helped out as well.
thx guys :)
we had fun painting here and there.
though we were not able to complete it on time[for the day], we were still determined to continue to paint lol.
thankfully,
some other classes had not completed their art works.
so yea, we were kinda safe.
i suggested the blue background coz the buildings were kinda light up.
so of course it wld be at night and such.
the nxt day,
i brought my paint along.
i rushed to sch as fast as i cld as i wanted to finish the banner on time as we have to submit it b4 recess.
den i started painting.
den farhana came shortly after i started lol.
den edmund.
he was panting when he entered the classroom.
cld see tt he was serious XD.
den we painted and painted.
and it was almost 7.30am
i actually wanted to run down,take my bag, den put it in the classroom so tt we cld ton in there =x.
but to no avail.
once i ran down the bell rang liao lol.
den farhana and edmund came down to join us for the assembly.
first thing they felt when our classmates entered the classroom and saw the banner thingy,
was satisfaction.
we were all happy lol.
we managed to finish the whole banner during SS.-Ms Sasi didnt come. free period XD-
yup we were satisfied.
well even IF our banner dun win anything,
we noe we did our best and tt we really put in alot of effort.

woooooo
everyone sure did a great job during the ndp rehersal today.
well even if the standard isnt there yet, it is obvious to see tt many are putting in the effort to improve.
everyone did so well, except me zzzz.
dropped the drill cane, did 50 pumpings, while i was marching the drill cane was slanted zzz and so much more.
it is just so hard not to allow the drill cane to be slanted while marching lols.
i oso duno y.
maybe it is the way i clutch it or somethin =/
anyways,
while they were falling in,
i dropped the drill cane T-T
by accident lols.-of course-
wearing the gloves makes it hard to identify whether im actually gripping it or not.
anyways,
shortly after i dropped it,
i went to do 33 pumpings immediately.
no one asked me to do it but hey, i cant run away frm wad i did wrong =x
i deserved it lols.
den i onli did 33 pumpings coz i was interupted by Vincent lol.
he told me not to duno wad attention thingy.
somethin to do wif like creating curiosity and nosey ppl and such.
so he told me to do it later lols.
after tt we started to reherse again.
did a few drills here and there.
den after NP parade was over, i went to do the 17 more pumpings.
i haven been talking loudly coz i cant XD.
once i cross the limit i wld start coughing like duno wad. -.-
i look extremely tired wif all the panda eyes and all tt >.>
i cldnt slp well rawr!
every single night/morning, without fail, i wld just wake up and start coughing.
slp at 10pm, wake up at 2am or 3am to cough.
even when im sleeping, it doesnt feel like im sleeping at all zzz.
its like im just closing my eyes waiting for hibernation =x
lalalallaa.
and today, for the first time, i feel so proud of one of the sec 1s lol.
okok i DO feel proud of ALL of them for making such an effort.
well done.
lols.
but still,
this sec 1 is new lol.
he just joined NPCC.
lol small little boy.
while we were teaching him the drills and all tt,
i cld see tt he was really serious.
he realli wanted to learn.
and guess wad,
he realli learnt real quickly.
especially the ke kenan lurus.
and pandan ke hadapan pandan.
the way he cut down is real sharp.
he still have problems wif the sediya and senangdiri.[ps i duno how to spell -.-]
he has the habit of 'horse kicking' lols.
however, he did try to lift up his leg and like PUSH it out =x=x. well if u noe wad i mean -.-
even if he 'horse kicked',
his horse kick is 90 degrees derhs.
marching oso not bad.
den when the sec 2s and 1s marching wif their cheer and all tt, he paid really close attention lols.
he looked like he was inspired by them.
lalala.
me, janice and some other ppl were definately satisfied.
well sec 1s,
i hope tt u wld take gd care of him and teach him wad tt shld be taught WHICH is RELEVANT and SUITABLE. lols.
u guys have to help each other and make sure everyone is up to standard -not onli in drills-in order for ur squad to stand out and be known for alot of gd things lol.
i felt really proud of u guys today, really. :D